if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
