We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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