She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
