I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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