omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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