Acid is not a monday night drug
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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