if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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