I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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