Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
