woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
