Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Farmville is her only friend.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
