I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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