how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
