..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
