last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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