So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
