my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Houston, we have a blender
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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