i just had sex bonerless
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
