sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Even my vagina gasped.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
