he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
