I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize