it was like eating out sand paper
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
