Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
