Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
