Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
