i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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