we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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