OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
