Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize