dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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