when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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