Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
