We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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