I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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