girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
