My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
