I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize