My sheets look like a crime scene.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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