Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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