I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
