I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
