just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
