I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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