I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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