Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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