she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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