Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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