I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
