Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
