When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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