why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
