Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
