I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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