R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
