bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
