I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
