I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize