??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
