i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
