is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
In America we eat man semen.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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