When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize