Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize