weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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